• Melissa Armstrong

Pandemic Dreams

A friend said, every day is Wednesday at 2 o’clock.

I haven’t had much to say.

I have been helping others process their experiences. This year I held space for lots of people to process disruption, trauma, and isolation. To find new ways to cope. We all abruptly transitioned into lives we didn’t intend on living.

My coping skills weren’t as good as they could have been. But they were pretty good.

Did I want to drink? No. Drinking makes everything worse.

Did I consult spirits and try to divine what was happening and what would happen next? All the time.


The first year of practicing magic, consistently.

After practicing magic for 40 years, uninitiated.

Turns out I had to initiate myself.

Magic is belief and petition and surrender and work.

I attempted scream therapy.

Wise elders told me that when they tried scream therapy in the ‘70s, the consensus was that it made them feel worse.

I could not unclench my jaw.

In the day, I asked my jaw to relax.

In the night, that thing was wired shut.

I was invited to own, embody, and empower the voice of total insanity, which was the greatest invitation.

I have been living in the forest.

I have been watching the trees closely.

Some oaks - the adolescent ones - do not shed all of their leaves in the fall.

Despite the inspirational memes which tell us to be like trees, and shed our old leaves, some don’t!

It’s called marcescence!

When we don’t shed dead organs, it’s called marcescence.

What is the usefulness of not letting go?

Holding on to the past serves me, it helps me know myself.

Letting go of the past frees me, it helps me to shed my self.

We don’t control the changing times.

The greatest questions to ask are, what can I make of this time? What is this time asking from me?

I want to go deeper into the forest.

Deeper still.

Time slows down.

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Melissa Armstrong
Toronto, Worldwide

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©2017 by Melissa Armstrong